Bereavement and loss

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What type of help is available to me?

Spiritual support

Spiritually this can be a time of growth. If you do have a spiritual or a religious practice then it may be a valuable source of support for you and others close to you. Conversely it can be a time when spiritually you may be quite shaken and any faith in God or other belief is put to the background. If you have a religious practice it may well be that you speak with your local rabbi, priest or minister depending on your faith. It may be that you are able to talk with someone who has shared a similar faith journey with you or a person who has a spirituality that you admire. As a human being it is also important that we nurture and care for the spiritual part of self in order to assist with any healing.

Counselling

For some individuals it may be appropriate to access counselling from a professional who is trained in the art of listening. In this way an individual will be able to explore their thoughts and feelings with a trained individual who will be able to journey with them as they attempt to find solutions to any current problems and difficulties. Talking about your feelings openly and being heard with acceptance, empathy and in a non-judgemental manner can go some way to help you care for yourself and ultimately understand better your feelings as you struggle through this time of bereavement and loss. Sources of help can be found on this website or by contacting one of the special phoneline advisors at Breathing Space.

More on counselling

What is it?

'Counselling and Psychotherapy are ways of responding to a wide range of human needs. Counselling and psychotherapy provide opportunities for those seeking help to work towards ways of living in more satisfying and resourceful ways'

COSCA: Counselling and Psychotherapy in Scotland www.cosca.org.uk

The above is COSCA's, (the umbrella body for Counselling and Psychotherapy in Scotland), introduction to its description of counselling which can be accessed on the above website.

In deciding that you would like to access counselling for yourself it can be a difficult decision to make. It making this decision you are entering into a relationship which will afford you a period of non-judgmental listening when you will be heard by the counsellor who will journey with you as you attempt to unpack whatever issue or problem you feel you have to discuss. You should be able to talk freely and comfortably about problems without in any way feeling judged.

What you will receive in counselling are qualities which are often described as the 'core conditions' namely acceptance, genuineness and empathy. These qualities are necessary to create a safe environment for you to talk about any problems you are finding hard to resolve.

• The counsellor, in providing acceptance or unconditional positive regard, provides an environment where your feelings, experiences and values are respected. You will not be judged or critisised because of your own attitudes or beliefs.
• In being afforded genuineness the counsellor is demonstrating that they will be honest and open with you and will not present an outward appearance of one attitude while actually holding another.
• Empathy is the ability to let the person know that you have truly heard what they are saying. It is not the same as sympathy as that is about feeling sorry for a person. You will experience the counsellor as having really understood what you are putting across.

In deciding to go for counselling wherever that may be you may probably have a wait to see a particular counsellor. At the first meeting the counsellor will hear what you want by coming for counselling and talk about regularity of appointments and what he or she will expect of you. You also, at this first meeting, can discuss with the counsellor what you expect from counselling. Normally you will be given one appointment per week and each session will last for one hour.

It is important for you to know that your counsellor will be bound by a Code of Practice and Ethics, normally by COSCA or The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). The counsellor will also be supervised by an approved/accredited Supervisor. This is to give the counsellor an opportunity to discuss how they are working as a counsellor and to address for them any difficulties they are facing. This is not to discuss you as a client but how they are working with you. This should give you some assurance that counsellors are not working in isolation but are supervised appropriately in the work that they do.

'Death belongs to life as birth does'

Tagore
from 'Stray Birds'

Sources of help

Books:

• Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth (MD)
  On Death and Dying, Tavistock Publications, London 1969.
• Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth (MD)
  Living with Death and Dying, Trinity Press, London,1881.
• Jackson, Edgar N. et al.
  Counselling the Dying, SCM Press, London, 1982.

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